I AM NOT SORRY

I gave you every chance in the book
to take a second look
at the way you treated me
and do things differently
after nearly 10 years
of having you in my life
dealing with struggle and strife
I said goodbye at your worst time
did you ever ask yourself why?
it wasn’t planned, I wanted to stay
you made it clear, I was in the way
although you’d like to think so,
you were not my frey.

You didn’t love me
you didn’t respect me
you weren’t honest
you weren’t kind
most of the time,
you messed with my mind
you gave me no other choice
my back was against the wall
I hurt so deeply inside
I wanted to be there for you
that’s what people bonded for life do
for each other, they come through
but, you never came through
unless there was something in it for you
so, I said goodbye to it all
risked taking the fall
from people who have no clue
what I went through with you
the person they think they know
the truth is – it’s all a show
sooner or later
unfortunately, they will see
the dark side you revealed to me
you hurt me more than anyone
is that what you want for your legacy?
are you proud to be a guy
who hits and runs?
are you proud to be a guy
who talks smack about me
behind my back?

I’ll never forget when you told me
one day, when the time comes
you just cut people off, with a swift whack
no one leaves you; you leave them –
without a warning, no looking back
and then, there’s me…
the one you were 100% sure would stay on track
keep takin’ your crap, keep comin’ back
the last person who would ever leave
but what you didn’t count on
was a backbone you thought I lacked

I cut you off; you can’t handle this fact
you didn’t want me in your life
so why am I paying the price?
almost a year went by –
I reached out to you, to wish you well
you’d been through a different kind of hell
what did I get?
a forced reply
after the fourth try
all because I chose to save my life
to stop the tears flowing from my eyes
to stop the disguise, the lies
no longer will I hide
because I said goodbye
and, for that…

I AM NOT SORRY.
(c) Nicole Luongo
1/26/10.

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2 thoughts on “I AM NOT SORRY

  1. Nicole, I feel you reached into my heart and pulled forth my deepest emotions which readily became the words of your poem……Pain can be considered a blessing if we feel it deeply enough to share it with others, in such a beautiful way, and through that sharing a kind of camaraderie is born……camaraderie so often leads to friendship 🙂 Thank you for being brave enough to share.

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