The Perfect Man

NOTE: This is a speech I delivered to a Toastmasters club years ago. People were laughing so hard, I don’t know how I held it together. My prop was EPIC!

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What do women want? Men have been scratching their heads and asking this question since the beginning of time. I will help you understand what women really want by introducing you to THE PERFECT MAN. {PROP APPEARS, the audience goes WILD}

Ah, the PERFECT MAN. We’ve dreamed about him. We’ve labored over lists of what he looks like, where he works, what kind of car he drives. We’ve searched for him in bars, bookstores, cafes, and coffee shops. But, why are we still searching for the perfect man, when we’ve been told he doesn’t exist?

A Cosmopolitan magazine article talked about “The Myth of the Perfect Man,” telling women that he does not exist. This is a lie! The PERFECT MAN exists and women all around the world have been in love with him for over fifty years.

The PERFECT MAN came into our lives on March 13, 1961. His proud parents introduced him to the world with the following birth announcement:

“Here he is – the boyfriend for Barbie. All Barbie fans will want Ken and his smartly tailored wardrobe of finest quality materials for perfect fit and finish with miniature accessories plus a special arm tag identity for the only genuine Ken Doll.” Ken Carson, simply known as Ken, became the boy next door and we have been fighting over him ever since! Let’s look at how Ken has evolved throughout the years:

In the beginning of the 1960’s, Ken stood a tall twelve inches high. He had a flocked crew cut and painted blue eyes. He wore red bathing trunks, cork sandals and came with a yellow towel.  Soon, Ken would be on the move—he had bendable legs in 1965.

Ken strutted into the 1970’s and embarked on a journey to “find himself.”  He became an avid sun worshiper and spent many days and nights contemplating life on the shores of Malibu. By the middle of the 70s, he became quite the hip guy—The “Now Look Ken,” produced in 1975, had hair down below his shoulders!

Ken experienced the 1980’s–the disco era–with wild abandon and a wardrobe that matched his excitement. “Jewel Secrets Ken” from 1986, wore a light blue lame jumpsuit with a striped shirt, an iridescent bow tie and a cummerbund!

By the 1990’s, Ken’s journey came full circle, and he found his way back to more manly outfits and promising careers. Ken also got back into sports in a big way. The 1994 Winter Sports Ken had a multi-poseable body and came with his own skis and snowboard.  In 1997, Ken became a doctor AND an Olympic gold medalist!

Ken celebrated the millennium by starring in “The Nutcracker” ballet.  In honor of his 40th birthday, Mattel created a commemorative, tuxedo-clad Ken that comes with a mini-Ken: a tiny replica of the very first doll–wearing a red bathing suit, cork sandals and a yellow towel.

O.K., it’s clear that Ken will never go out of style since he has been dressed for nearly every occasion. But, I’ll bet you’re still wondering why Ken is the perfect man. Consider the following:

*Ken is attractive. He always looks young and never goes gray. Plus, he’s in great shape. When have you ever seen BEER BELLY KEN?

*Ken is fashionable. You never have to regret being seen with him in public. But, his 80’s outfits don’t count because, when you think about it, don’t we ALL regret wearing those silly styles?

*Ken always has a job. He has been, well, nearly everything –an astronaut, actor, pilot, doctor, cowboy—he’s even starred in Baywatch!

*Ken is intelligent. He doesn’t mind being Barbie’s boy toy. He knows he’s got a good thing, and he’s willing to wait until Barbie wants a commitment. Let’s face it, she wears the pants in THAT relationship.

*Ken is a well-rounded person with lots of interests. His hobbies include: skiing, disco, scuba diving, hunting, camping, roller blading, baseball and roller skating.

*Ken is sensitive. He’ll always be there when you need to talk. And, finally, the NUMBER ONE reason why Ken is the perfect man:

HE’S FAITHFUL! Ken has been happily dating ONE woman—Barbie—for over 40 years! Wow, what a guy!

Finally, THE SEARCH FOR THE PERFECT MAN IS OVER! Forget internet dating! Stop asking your friends to set you up on boring, blind dates! Now, I know what you must be thinking – “Who has the TIME to sift through the myriad choices for Ken?” The answer is YOU! You owe it to yourself to make the time. It’s not going to be easy, but you KEN do it! You will have to make some difficult decisions, like, what color hair should Ken have? How should he be dressed? What kind of car should he drive?

Only YOU can answer these questions, so it may be a good idea to make a LIST outlining in detail all the qualities you want in a man. Think about what kind of man you want in your life and start your search. Don’t believe everything you read in magazines.

The perfect man exists! So, stop dreaming and go meet him! All you have to do is get in your car and drive to the toy store because it is there–and ONLY there—where I am sure you will find the PERFECT MAN for you!

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16 thoughts on “The Perfect Man

  1. Nicole – Very creative use of the “Ken” brand ~ woudn’t it be nice if all of us could find our Ken soulmate ~ once again, great article!

    • Laurie,

      Thanks! I presented this as a speech, revealing a Ken doll in a convertible at the perfect time. My friend rolled it out; Ken landed right in front of my feet…so perfect! The audience laughed so much that night, it was priceless!!

  2. There should be a “beer belly ken” that would definitely be more realistic… Then women could realize that perfect is what you make it to be.

  3. I’m so glad the imperfection thing came up, I only like imperfection…
    I think the perfect lover is the one who compliments or resonates with the part of you that is your favorite part. I never cared about bellies and baldness, or perfect pug noses. In fact, I know you are all going to think I’m nuts, but I do not think Brad Pitt is the least bit handsome. He actually turns me off. I much prefer the character of Daniel Day Lewis.
    I think it’s a mistake to make it about looks, or other external things like fashion..if you really want to or need to you can buy him a cool shirt for a certain occasion. It has to be about soulfulness and passion. If he has that, then he is what this woman would want theoretically. I am married, (third time) so I’ve done a TON of searching, and think I am with a pretty cool guy, who has those two qualities that keep me here. He has many idiosyncrasies that are annoying as hell, but so do I.

    • Hi Susan,

      Thank you for your comment. You brought up some great points. And, guess what…I have never understood the hoopla over Brad Pitt’s looks, either! I don’t like blondes (sorry, guys). I am glad you are with a pretty cool guy, now. It is true that we should not concentrate so much on looks. Our society seems obsessed with always looking fit and young, which is not realistic.

  4. I hate to be the one to bring it up (no, I don’t really), but Ken isn’t the perfect man. I’ve peeked inside his red swim trunks… ; )

    perhaps he’s just the perfect man to go clothes shopping with!

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